Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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