just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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