hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
nutella sex= disaster
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
