return my video game
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
