i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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