Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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