i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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