nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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