i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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