I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I deserve this hangover.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
