She is in my trunk
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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