Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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