I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
