So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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