the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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