watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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