I heard we made out
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
