Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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