you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
