where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
