You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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