Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
