Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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