thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
