I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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