She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
