I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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