Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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