i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
