Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
