rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
