just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
