When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
