Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
