his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
