I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Swine flu. Run for my life!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
