Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You can't special order awesome
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
