this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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