The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
