Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
