i just had sex bonerless
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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