bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
