so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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