You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
