Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
