I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
