he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
