woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
