like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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