My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
