I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
