My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
