does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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