She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
