he was CRYING into my vagina
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
