break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
