News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
