I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
