sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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