i need an iv and a liver transplant
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
