That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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