I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
