Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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