It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
