my phone needs a breathalizer
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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