omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
