Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
