My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So much rum. So many feels.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
