This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
