He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i now understand why vodka
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
