The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
