And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
