i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no you cant smoke seaweed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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