If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i drank out of a bidet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
