walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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